How to Choose a Dildo: A Complete Buyer's Guide
How to choose a dildo, in short
Pick a dildo by matching five factors to your body and preferences: material (choose body-safe, non-porous silicone, glass, or stainless steel), size (start smaller than you think — insertable length and girth matter more than total length), shape (straight for versatility, curved for G-spot or prostate), base (a flared base is essential for anal use; harness use depends on base design), and budget (a body-safe toy is worth more than a cheap one you can't clean properly). If you're new, a smooth medium-firm silicone dildo with a flared base is the safest starting point.
The five factors at a glance
| Factor | What to look for | Beginner pick |
|---|---|---|
| Material | Non-porous, body-safe | Platinum silicone |
| Size | Insertable length + girth, not total length | 4–5 in length, 4–4.5 in girth |
| Shape | Straight = versatile, curved = G-spot/prostate | Straight, medium firmness |
| Base | Flared base for anal use; check base fit for a harness | Flared or suction-cup base |
| Budget | Pay for body-safe material and cleanability | Mid-range silicone |
1. Material: body-safe comes first
Material is the single most important choice because it affects safety, feel, and how you clean the toy. Stick to non-porous, body-safe materials:
- Silicone (platinum/medical-grade): the most popular choice — warm to the touch, flexible, non-porous, and easy to sanitize. Best all-rounder.
- Borosilicate glass: firm, smooth, holds temperature for warm/cool play, and completely non-porous.
- Stainless steel: heavy, firm, non-porous, and great for pressure and temperature play.
| Material | Pros | Cons |
|---|---|---|
| Platinum silicone | Body-safe, flexible, warms to body temp, easy to clean | Use water-based lube only |
| Borosilicate glass | Non-porous, firm, holds temperature, smooth glide | Rigid; handle with care |
| Stainless steel | Non-porous, firm, great for pressure and temperature play | Heavy; higher price |
| Jelly / PVC / TPR-TPE | Cheap | Porous, traps bacteria, may contain phthalates — avoid |
Avoid porous materials like jelly, PVC, TPR/TPE, and anything labelled "novelty use only." Porous toys trap bacteria you can't fully remove and may contain phthalates. See our guide to sex toy materials and our silicone toy guide for more detail.
2. Size: start smaller than you expect
Two measurements matter more than overall length: insertable length and girth (circumference). Most people overestimate what feels good. If you're a beginner, look for roughly 4–5 inches of insertable length and a girth around 4–4.5 inches, then size up later if you want more.
To gauge girth, you can compare against your own fingers: one finger is gentle, two fingers is moderate. Go up gradually — comfort and arousal, not size, drive pleasure. New to this? Our first-time dildo users guide walks through easing in.
3. Shape and firmness
- Straight/smooth: the most versatile shape; good for all-purpose and first-time use.
- Curved: angled tips target the G-spot (vaginal) or the prostate (anal).
- Textured/ridged: adds sensation once you know what you enjoy.
Firmness is a personal preference: softer silicone feels more lifelike and forgiving, while firmer toys deliver more direct pressure against internal spots. A medium firmness suits most beginners. Once you've settled on a shape, our guide to using a dildo covers positions, lube, and technique.
4. Base: flared base and harness compatibility
A flared base is non-negotiable for any anal play — it stops the toy from slipping in too far. A suction-cup base is handy for hands-free play against a flat surface, and many suction-cup dildos are also harness-compatible for strap-on use. If a harness is your goal, check the base diameter against your harness O-ring. Our strap-on guide covers fit in depth.
5. Lube compatibility
Match your lube to your toy. Use water-based lube with silicone toys — silicone-based lube can degrade silicone over time. Silicone lube is fine with glass and stainless steel. When in doubt, water-based lube is compatible with every body-safe material.
6. Cleaning and care
Non-porous silicone, glass, and steel can be washed with mild soap and warm water. Many 100% silicone, glass, and steel toys (without motors) can be boiled or sanitized for a deeper clean — check the manufacturer's instructions first. Always clean before and after use. See our sex toy cleaning guide.
7. Budget: what you get at each price tier
A body-safe toy you can clean properly is worth more than a cheap one you can't. Rough tiers:
- Entry (under $30): simple body-safe silicone dildos — smaller, smooth, no frills. A fine first toy.
- Mid ($30–$80): premium platinum silicone, better shaping, suction-cup or harness-compatible bases, dual-density options.
- Premium ($80+): designer silicone, glass, or stainless steel with temperature play and long-lasting build quality.
If budget is tight, drop size or features before dropping material quality — never compromise on body-safe, non-porous material.
Quick decision checklist
- Is it a body-safe, non-porous material? (silicone, glass, steel)
- Is the size realistic for your experience level?
- Does the shape match where you want sensation?
- Does it have a flared base if you'll use it anally, and a harness-compatible base if you want strap-on use?
- Do you have compatible lube and a cleaning plan?
What mistakes should I avoid?
- Buying porous "novelty" toys: jelly, PVC, and TPR/TPE trap bacteria and can't be fully sanitized.
- Going too big too soon: oversized toys cause discomfort; start smaller and size up.
- Skipping the flared base for anal use: without one a toy can slip in too far — a genuine safety risk.
- Using silicone lube on silicone toys: it can degrade the surface; use water-based.
- Not cleaning before and after use: always wash with mild soap and warm water.
A note on safety
This guide is for general education, not medical advice. If you have a health condition, pain, or concerns, talk to a healthcare professional. Stop if anything hurts, use plenty of lube, and never share porous toys or use a toy anally without a flared base.
Frequently asked questions
What is the best dildo material for beginners?
Body-safe platinum silicone. It's non-porous, flexible, warms to body temperature, and is easy to clean, which makes it forgiving and safe for first-time users.
What size dildo should a beginner start with?
Around 4–5 inches of insertable length and roughly 4–4.5 inches of girth. You can always size up later; starting smaller keeps things comfortable.
Do I need a flared base?
For any anal use, yes — a flared base prevents the toy from slipping in too far. Harness compatibility depends on the base design and its diameter versus your harness O-ring, not the flare alone.
What lube should I use with a silicone dildo?
Water-based lube. Silicone-based lube can damage silicone toys over time. Water-based lube is safe with every body-safe material.
How do I clean a dildo?
Wash it with mild soap and warm water before and after every use. Many motor-free 100% silicone, glass, and steel toys can also be boiled or sanitized for a deeper clean — check the manufacturer's instructions first. Let it dry fully before storing.
Glass or silicone — which is better?
Both are non-porous and body-safe. Silicone is flexible, warms to body temperature, and is more forgiving for beginners. Glass is firm, holds warm or cool temperature for sensation play, and has the smoothest glide. Choose silicone for comfort and flexibility, glass for firmness and temperature play.